A priest-director goes to Moscow, poses with Zakharova and claims to have met Putin. At least one Romanian party openly praises the aggression of the Russian Federation. Radios and press agencies air Putinist theories. But what would it be like if the Russians really came to Bucharest, what would it be like if they occupied Romania? Because they have been before.
Radu CarpPhoto: Personal archive
The presence of Ciprian Mega, as the director of the film “21 rubies”, in Moscow to participate in a film festival and the high-level political contacts he had on this occasion opened a wide discussion: it was or not timely? In the conditions in which the Russian Federation is isolated due to the aggression in Ukraine, any gesture, no matter how meaningless, justifies the war. The discussion on this case is as serious as can be. Romania, like any other European country, could be in place of Ukraine, any current compromise having consequences in such a scenario. To see what Romania would look like under a Russian occupation and why there must be a firm delimitation against gestures like that of Ciprian Mega, I imagined the following situation (based on a script by Patrick Besson).
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The occupation of Bucharest by the Russians. Ultimately, it is not a tragedy. It happened before. Grandparents used to tell horror scenes, but it’s not what I see every day. It’s true, there was resistance, somewhere around the border, but it all ended quickly. Our city was not bombed either, as happened in other cities in Europe. I escaped safely.
For me, it is a good opportunity to collaborate and realize some of my professional dreams.
In the morning, for breakfast, I eat healthy: I allow myself to eat halibut, seasoned with pickled cucumbers from a jar from the Bessarabia region – our neighbors in the Russian Federation. I gave up the western habit of drinking coffee, it is no longer available anyway. A Russian black tea is very good, or sometimes a glass of Stolicinaya, to pick up the courage.
I learned the routine of watching the news in the morning. Of course, those transmitted from our capital, Moscow. Today, for example, we had good news: the front in the Faroe Islands has stabilized, NATO forces have regrouped beyond the Arctic Circle, but anyway it doesn’t matter – we can travel freely from Vladivostok to Lisbon and back – this was not everyone’s dream European? The last fighter from the Făgăraş Mountains was found and arrested, he surrendered willingly, he had run out of ammunition for a long time, in fact I didn’t even know he still existed. Today we also have a ceremony at the Academy: Adrian Severin is accepted as a full member, finally, it was a long wait. I also learn from the news about the arrest of a Russophobic agitator, Armand Goshu, and about the death in Siberia of the former president Klaus Iohannis (another former president, Traian Băsescu, was missing for several decades in the “Polar Bear” penitentiary colony, and the former president Ion Iliescu has a mausoleum in Bucharest, fully deserved). Another important news of the day is the nomination of George Simion as Secretary of State at the Russian Ministry of Propaganda. A special honor for us, we congratulated him and wished him success. Who knows, maybe we will soon have a minister in the Moscow cabinet…
I watched the news for too long! At 10:00 a.m. Russian classes begin at the University of Bucharest. Anyway, other foreign languages are no longer studied, but Russian is mandatory for obtaining citizenship. At the end of the citizenship process, you have to give an interview in Russian. I am preparing assiduously, I do not want to remain stateless. I still have problems, I don’t learn the Cyrillic alphabet easily, but in general I manage. Films and publications in Russian widely distributed help me enormously. From the university, after finishing the Russian language courses, I call my limousine driver (a masterpiece, fully produced in the Russian Federation, fully electric, we are competing only with China in this field) to get very quickly to the State Publishing House, under the auspices of the Friendship Association (we gave up “Romanian – Russian”, an anachronism, now we all need Russian citizenship). How I became the director of this publishing house (the only one, by the way), is a long, very beautiful story. In Kiev, on the territory of Ukraine Oblast, part of the Russian Federation, a congress of Russian spirituality took place in the new, post-war context. I participated and even had a discussion with Vladimir Putin. He said that on the territory of the Romanian oblast we need to know better the Russian culture and its benefits. He revealed to me that the FSB also found in the private libraries in Bucharest of those arrested to serve their sentences in Siberia, writings by some banned Russian writers, such as Ulitskaia or – incredibly – by some Ukrainian authors who disappeared even from the Ukraine region a long time ago , like Kurkov. “We will not tolerate something like this,” said our great leader, raising his voice a little. He also had the idea of creating the State Publishing House and asked the Minister of Culture to subsidize the publication of at least 100 titles per year. Russian authors in new translations, of course starting from Tolstoy and Dostoyevsky, reaching up to those who witnessed the Great Special Operation Against NATO and wrote about the fight against Western fascism.
Hard mission, I have to get to work and establish the list of translations. Of course, local authors who want to write about the Great Operation are welcome, but priority is given to Russian authors.
After a few hours of hard work at the State Publishing House, I end up having lunch in a hurry, in the nearest location, I have no choice. So I arrive at the “Šostakovici” Music Academy, where they only have trout roe with buckwheat. The eggs are produced here, according to the new Russian technology, unique in the world, and the buckwheat comes from the Ukraine region. Starting from Mariupol, on the entire stretch of the Black Sea, buckwheat is now cultivated, to appease the hunger of the nations of occupied Europe. I also grabbed a glass of kvass, young musicians don’t drink vodka. I paid in rubles, with my new card from Sberbank, which opened a branch in close proximity to my home. The ruble allows us to travel and pay anywhere in occupied Europe (except the territories where fighting is still going on, but who would plan a vacation to the North Pole?). But we need the passport of the Russian Federation. You don’t have to show it when leaving the oblast, the Schengen System is now called the Schengen System (in memory of the last great battle, fought symbolically in the Luxembourg oblast), but the FSB still makes unexpected checks and you risk ending up in Siberia.
For lunch I always eat lightly. The reason is that at 16:00 we are forced to go out into the street to do half an hour of physical exercises. President Putin visited Bucharest and noted the sedentary nature of the inhabitants, in contrast to his rhythm of life that allowed him to lead us at such an advanced age. He decided that the first measure of the Occupation should be the establishment of compulsory daily physical education. The measure is also valid in other oblasts on the territory of Europe. I find that it is a very good measure, in addition, I can also socialize: today I spend half an hour playing sports in front of the “Sostakovici” Music Academy, with the students.
In top physical shape, after two balanced meals, I can return to the University where I teach a course on Russian civilization. It’s a new course, even if I don’t know the Russian language perfectly yet, I can talk about the concept of “Russian space”, about Russian art and spirituality, about the political genius of our great leader. The Ministry of Education told me that attendance at such courses is mandatory, so at the end I draw up the list of those present and hand it to the “United Russia” party secretary at the university. I noticed that a student in the last row did not applaud at the end of my lecture, but today I am gentle and tolerant, maybe it was an accident, maybe she was tired or thinking about something else, I will not report this incident.
As soon as the class ends, I realize that the time for the Rachmaninov concert at the Athenaeum, performed by the orchestra from the Azerbaijan region, is approaching, and I, as an official of the Occupation, must be present. While I’m heading to the Athenaeum, in the Russian limousine, I receive a call from Ciprian Mega himself, the new director of the Russian Cinema Center… Read the rest of the article on Contributors.ro
